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Celebrity Baby Blog or Celebrity Baby Cult?

March 3, 2011
Woman freaking out

What the EFF happened to Hollywood?

I used to be an avid reader of the celeb website http://www.People.com. I would drool over Nicole Richie’s sky high Louboutins and ogle Kate Moss’ titillating and impossibly chic style. I would see stars jet-setting from Los Cabos to St. Bart’s and back to Greenwich Village or to a spree at Bergdorf Goodmans. It was my go-to for style and beauty, and I would be able to familiarize myself and relate to the stars since they were able to track down the stars and their haute couture wardrobes.
But since they’ve started their recent Celebrity Baby Blog I’ve been like, wtf?! They have turned into zombie baby lovers announcing everything related to motherhood/fatherhood not only on the baby blog but in other parts of People.com when I just want to see what new Balenciaga handbag Beyonce has! Today the freakin’ Top Story  on People.com is “Meet Zac Hanson’s Baby Girl…”. Um, are you serious? Your top story after the Oscars and so close to the Royal Wedding and the explosion of celeb breakups, makeups and rehab-trips is a washed up hasbeen boy band member from the ’90s that isn’t very memorable in anyone’s minds? All because he is now part of the breeder world? Yeesh. What a boring day in Hollywood.

And the nerve of these editors. If a celeb has only one tyke, they say “the only child for so-and-so” as if it is so  torturous the working couple are depriving their tyke of a sibling. When a celeb has more than one kiddo, they don’t say the “only children” they dress it up in sugar.
Obviously, they are being forced to promote parenthood since everybody idolizes one celebrity or another. They have jumped on this capitalistic bandwagon that if the stars buy it for their kids, so will every day parents in the Western world. They show pictures of ridiculously dressed tots in Junior Gaultier and D&G Junior and then basically tell bored stay-at-home moms and new moms on maternity leave to go buy these for your kids or their not good enough. If you don’t have the Bugaboo that Gwen Stefani is sporting, you’re baby is going to be the scum of America or Canada or England or wherever the heck you live. Every starlet is getting knocked up—even with guys they barely know (ahem Kate Hudson…Natalie Portman, anyone?) and nobody is wondering if Scientology or zombies is behind this?
As an impressionable young woman, I find this unacceptable and just super creepy that celebs will jump on this bandwagon as if babies are the new Chanel shades for the fame that 9 months of incubating a fetus will gain them without thinking of 18 years of the repercussions. And especially celeb kids! Either they fall into obscurity or become super-huge depressed addicts or astonishingly-conceited actor/singer/comedians who try vainly to live up to their parent’s A-list proportions of fame.

Childless stars are dwindling by the numbers as everybody is embracing motherhood in Hollywoodland from supermodels like Bundchen to A-listers like Nicole Kidman. Am I the only one in shock as Celebrity Baby Blog announces smugly a new celeb has fallen to the dark side and is “happily expecting?” I hardly believe those pasted on smiles for the paparazzi in Runyon Canyon are real, yes you, Tori Spelling. Motherhood isn’t all sunshine and fluff, as much as they keep telling People.com. It’s a facade to help promotesome crazy capitalist nonsense–they even celebrate gay and lesbian parenthood as though it is wonderful they are conforming to heterosexual, rightwing norms. Sure, as a lesbian, I think it’s better to have lesbian mothers in Hollywood as a lesson to narrow-minded fools but still…is it a way to get more gays and lesbians to procreate?

Thank goodness for people with sanity still intact like George Clooney’s sexilicious girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis who famously stated to Italy’s Cosmopolitan: “{Getting pregnant} has never been an objective” and “My maternal desires are fully satisfied with my dogs”.

Babies are taking over Hollywoodland

Top Story Headline on People.com is yet another birth. YAWN!

I fully concur and kudos to you Canalis for saying this in the midst of an insane celeb baby boom! My own brand-new 9 week old cattle dog puppy Benji is my life but also the only responsibility I want in my life. I like kids, sure, but not on a 24/7 full-time basis. I’m not easily persuaded by cutesy Johnson&Johnson commercials or monogrammed Burberry Baby onesies. I’ve always been an outdoorsy, tomboy kind of girl and as a lesbian, I don’t have to worry about falling down and waking up preggers some day. I’m not opposed to women being mothers, just as I’m not opposed to some women being cops and some other women being teachers but not every woman wants to be a police officer and not every woman wants to be a mother! I made a conscious choice to live a childfree life…for life, and I’m only one voice in the uber-cool and modern childfree community. Now excuse me while I walk my dog and sit back and relax with my newest Tolstoy read!

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