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It Takes Two to Tango

March 18, 2011

When I was helping a single friend create a profile on a popular dating website, they asked the question “Want Children” or “Don’t want Children” to find like minded suitors. She put she didn’t want children because she was finishing up university and had no plans for them at the moment. When she began perusing the lists of suitors, many of them were under the “Don’t want children” category! Educated, well-traveled and well-read men who didn’t want children? She was shocked (in a good way) and in less than 2 weeks, met a guy (we’ll call him Dane) who is childfree-by-choice and wants a mate who is the same. Now, my friend and Dane have joined us in our circle of childfree c0uple friends.

I like the phenomenon of men who don’t want kids and don’t give in to women who do. If you’re not going to be a happy father or you’re a workaholic—DON’T HAVE KIDS!

This is from the website Suit101 about child free men:

Often childfree women seem to be the ones most harassed about why they don’t have children. Whether seeking a relationship with a like-minded man, or dealing with parents’ (or in-laws) expectations, or other childed women’s attitudes, childfree women must defend their decision constantly.But what about men who choose to be childfree? How did they arrive at their decision, and what, if any, influence might a romantic relationship have on their chosen lifestyle.

I posed a series of questions for childfree men at the alt. support.childfree newsgroup and received interesting responses. I wish to thank those who participated, and believe these candid remarks are sure to enlighten females and males alike.

Here are the questions and replies:

1. Why did you choose not to have children? (The most important reason)

Because having had a brief experience with stepchildren, I realized that the life of a parent is not one that I want to live.

I’ve never been interested in children. Given the choice not to have them, I don’t plan to have them.

Actually I didn’t choose not to have kids…it’s a no-brainer. There is no reason TO have kids. I see parents who were once vibrant, active adults, now slipping into the vegetative state of middle-age mediocrity. As for myself, it’s nice to be able to take off and mountain bike, ski, etc.

Never actually felt the need, coupled with the conviction that I would be a very poor parent.

Call me misanthropic or what you will, but it baffles me that people would choose to have children at all, and at this point in time, it’s not as if the human species is in any danger of dying out from under-population.

I can’t say I ever really chose not to. The idea that children were a given never occurred to me and I believe my parents assumed I would have made the assumption. By the time it became an issue, I was dead-set that kids were not in my future.

I can’t say I have always been childfree. It was gradual. But after getting married right out of college, we saw our siblings going through hell and we just kinda knew it was something we didn’t want messing up our lives at that time and so we just kept procrastinating. No arguments, no deep philosophical discussions, just mutual consensus from reacting to shared external observations.

I dislike children. They are rude and uncivilized. They are expensive. They are time consuming. They are expensive. They can cause all sorts of problems between spouses. They are expensive. They tend to destroy or soil delicate and/or breakables in your home. They are expensive (did I mention that already?).

The copyright of the article Childfree Men’s Opinions in Childfree By Choice is owned by Cara Swann

Eligible and Child free

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