Skip to content

The Media Wants You To Procreate

September 25, 2011

Anybody who’s anybody knows that the latest baby boom hitting everywhere from Hollywood to your own village is more fashionable, intellectual and cooler than any other previous baby boom. Women aren’t procreating because we will all die out from a nuclear bomb like in previous wars, or because of a devastating Depression. Women are popping out babies like it’s the new rage because pregnant is the new black, and the media is working hard at getting you to get that belly itch. But it has nothing to do with you, just your dollars. So don’t take it personally.

Marketing sleuths have banked on the idea that women control the disposable income in a family home and that children can pull the heartstrings (and purse strings on that Miu Miu clutch) with their mothers. Someone out there connected the dots and realized there is a booming baby market that needs to grow worth BILLIONS of money.

From the second a woman becomes pregnant she spends money on expensive pregnancy tests and then comes the big “I’M PREGNANT OMG” which means co-workers, families, friends and weird baby-lovers are going to buy the new mom new baby things. Cha-ching!


Last year, in 2010, there were 381, 382 births in Canada. (Unfortunately, almost 150,000 were in MY province!) Why couldn’t I live in Nunavut? Births that year: 820 ). Also in 2010, the most popular strollers for babies were the Bugaboo, MacLaren, Chicco and UPPA. All of these carry a price tag no less than $330. You can just do the math with the stroller alone!

Not to mention….many moms have more than one stroller plus add-ons like cup-holders, umbrellas and stroller blankets. Did ya know The National Association of Diaper Services reports diapers cost an average of $80.00 a month for disposables. Some women buy reusable diapers (average cost of $400, one time purchase for the years a kid’s in diapers) but what about the hydro bill…and the STINK?!


The booming baby market continues. Babies and kids need clothes, right? But nowadays babies aren’t just wearing Barney decorated t-shirts. There is the ever popular baby and kid’s line for ZARA!, H&M, GAP, Roots and the even more pricier kid’s lines that celebs ornate their holier-than-thou offspring with  (and so moms are following, DUH) like Bonpoint, Jacadi, Petit Bateau, etc. The average price of pants at Jacadi is $60.00. FOR A ONE YEAR OLD. Those things grow faster than herpes! And these things sell like hot cakes, not to mention “trendy” kids items like UGGs, Hunter rainboots, the Sophie toy, Dora the Explorer school bags–and the list goes on and on.

And on. And on.

I just want women to keep that in mind when they pick up a magazine or visit a website that is glorifying motherhood and celebrity FAKE motherhood. It is all pyscho-babble to get you to believe getting knocked up means you can “Look fashionable on the school drop off” and “Have the latest diaper bag from Fendi”. If they can get you to believe motherhood is trendy and cool, and reel you in with monogrammed baby Burberry booties, they’re doing their jobs.

For instance, on, their Baby section is not just  about showing off the latest celebrity baby pictures… but actually  showing off what the kids (and parents) are wearing as well as “helpfully” listing the brands and prices.  They will add information about the baby’s full name (I feel sorry for all the Sevens and Harpers…) on every post as well as calling the children “darling” “angels” “her little mini-me” and so forth. They are dangerously idealizing motherhood (and helping make WEIRD names cool) ,and when women procreate and realize it’s really not bent up to be all it’s worth–it’s too late. They can’t get a refund. On the baby, but yes, maybe on that Bugaboo. also does the same thing as but are more in depth and do not only focus on celebrity parenting. It boasts it is for the new, hip generation of parents who are more aware and better educated about parenting. But all they’ve done is spin this thing called parenting around to make it cooler, make it funner and make sure that parents and their progeny consume. They have intensive lists from everything like !THE TOP TEN BIBS! (who gives a crap…babies just use it to drool on!) to eye-catching ads beside it of Minute Maid orange juice and smiling Pampers brand babies on amazingly green grass. The products are actually enticing enough for you to pop out a baby just to put in the new Orbit stroller and wipe it’s drool with a trendy lace-fringed bib.

The media doesn’t care about your “little miracle” festering about in your uterus. They just use that as captions to make hormonal-raged women feel gooey and special when they’re pregnant so they’ll throw a baby shower and women will buy useless $100 baby slings and goddamned bibs. (Haven’t they heard of tissue paper?)

The slogans about “family”  splashed on everything from Lexus billboards to cereal commercials ,and the movies portraying tired yet happy parents (because it’s the REAL path to happiness! People who focus on their careers are the bad ones!) are further ways to get you to believe this is the only path to go down in life. If you don’t produce a baby who is worth thousands of green dollars in the eye of the clever marketer, you’re missing something in your life. That is the whole propaganda. It’s difficult to ignore it too unless you don’t turn on your TV, go to the movies, know a female, open a magazine, heard of Angelina Jolie, you know….LIVE A LITTLE.

I’m not saying it’s bad. If you love shopping and don’t care some market is bursting at the seams from women giving birth, that’s fine. But women need to be aware of why the media is pressuring women so strongly to give birth. They want your money, and you will gladly spend it because they make you feel your progeny is worth an $800 stroller and all the other items that come with it. And maybe he is, but motherhood will never be like the happy family in the Pampers commercials or like Katie Holmes and Suri.

There is  the nasty green ca-ca , the snot, the no sleepign–and that’s just Day One. . Pregnancy is not all “amazing and life changing and awesome” like they all confess from Jessica Alba to Gisele Bundchen. Have you seen a pregnant woman’s feet? They look like air balloons shaped like…feet. And the GAS! And-and…oh, all the horror. I mean maybe if you can afford a personal masseuse and organic wildberry smoothies. Then possibly this baby stuff is for you. The rest of us have to go back to reality.


  1. Becci permalink

    I just wanted to say that I loved this post! 🙂

  2. Thanks a lot , Becci! 🙂

  3. HighGoon permalink

    Our local mall even has a mom-centric tagline:
    “Welcome to the Mall, Mom”. And if I go there during the morning hours, it’s full of bored, texting mombies pushing gigantic strollers and trying to fill their day with something entertaining. The stores definitely push the “Glam! Fashion! Hot Mama!” thing. They know the way to sell is to convince these mothers that they can be as glamorous as they want if they just shop at their store.

    The message is plastered everywhere. Of course, most of the people in this town do nothing but crank out ghetto or bland suburban kids.

    This mall knows where it’s money is.

    • Wow, that is so true. I see so many bored moms who are trying so hard to hang onto the glamorous mom thing Hollywood is pushing, but not realizing it’s just a government plot to battle the birth rate decline of the USA/Canada. The mall is the perfect place to see the suburban moms pass the time until their spawn is out of diapers and in school, so they can run back to their jobs and adult lifestyle they secretly miss. Because NOBODY can be happy speaking Elmo.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: