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Why Do Childless People Hate Kids So Much?

February 1, 2012 is the link to the article Why Do Childless People Hate Kids So Much? The writer Ms. Wilde, has posted a question so I just wanted to give her an answer.

Sadly, this negative attitude towards children doesn’t stop at air travel. Kid-bashing seems to be more pervasive these days, at least in my world.

What I don’t get is that every kid-hater was once a kid themselves. What happened to these adults that they have no understanding or compassion?

Gone are the days when any adult could tell a child to “Be quiet”, or give them a good ass-whooping and drag them by the ears back to their parent’s home. The world is changing, and so is parenting. Compassion for the oblivious childed who do not get that their children are annoying seems hard to come by, perhaps, because nowadays parents acquiesce to their child’s every whim. I don’t know why you seem to think the childfree are the only ones who are frustrated with a baby’s cry on the airplane. Even those who wish for kids and have children aren’t signing up to be next to the screaming monster, either! I would imagine the mother/father/caregiver is exhausted and probably has a headache, but at least they have a special affinity to the child and well, the rest of the passengers don’t.

This goes for restaurants as well. Letting your children run amok in a proper restaurant isn’t very appropriate but it is something that’s been pervasive enough to run headlines and solicit owners to put up signs that read “No Diners Under Six Years Old”. There are restaurants marketed for family-friendly dining, and if you want to let your kid(s) loose over there–go ahead! But if the napkins aren’t made of paper and there’s a sizable wine list…odds are your little cutiepie should pipe it down because nobody wants to pay for an expensive meal with a side of brat. And I’m not talking about bratwurst, I’m talking about kids. We don’t hate the child, for the child is just the product of the adults raising it. The child is the instrument in which you broadcast the message: My child’s experience is more important than your own. And that’s pretty unfair.  (Heck, we try to accommodate parents and kids the best we can: we give up seats on public buses and trains, and you get discounts from theme parks, theatres and restaurants!)  With blatant disregard to other diners and passengers, you are setting yourself up for being loathed. You may think we hate kids, but we aren’t shaking our heads at the helpless three year old. Oh no, honey, we are shaking our heads at you.

If you confront kid-haters, they retort, “oh, we don’t hate all kids, only the ones who are out of control” or better, “It’s just the ones who’s parents let them misbehave.”

Try to approach a child. A child you don’t know. Odds are, you will get pepper-sprayed in the face by a defensive parent or a whistle blown at you by a teacher. The days where we used to see a bunch of kids in the street playing ball, and would give one of them a five dollar bill to ask the pretty lady at the ice cream stand for her number are over. High-fiving a toddler means that as soon as you turn your back, the mother is going to take out anti-bacterial wipes and clean her child’s hand–or, if she’s bold, she’ll do it in front of you. If you speak to a kid–especially if you’re male–and you’re not related to him or work in a child-related field, you’re suspiciously penned as a pedophile or kidnapper. With the stories of children going missing and turning up dead, and the Amber Alert, it is nearly impossible for a non-parent to get near a kid. So why would we go out of our way to do so? We like that you keep your child in a bubble, with you hovering around like a helicopter. Just keep him and her out of our bubble. Let’s call it the Bubble Law.

We can’t just shut these kids up in the house until they are 8, or 12, or 18. We can’t leave them at home until they are fit for grown-up company. How will they learn?

I’m a laidback person, as I suspect most people are, unless they’ve had a bit too much coffee or something. Don’t get all dramatic though. Nobody said lock your kids up (although if they did, I don’t blame them either). You can easily teach your child how to behave like a civilized human in public, just like you teach them math and science. I taught my dogs how to behave in public and they have less of a capacity of learning than children should; things like “sit” and “stay here” mean that other people around me can feel safe my dog won’t jump on them or make them feel uncomfortable. But, of course, dogs will be dogs in their space. In the park, my dog will run and may bark a little with excitement. And it makes sense your child will make some sort of noise, and act like a child–which is 100% acceptable. If you have someone complaining about your kid’s behaviour, perhaps you should take a look at your child and not all the adults around you who are bemoaning the kid’s existence.

  1. I have three kids, and I cannot stand out-of-control children in restaurants, either. I don’t take my kids out to eat often, and when we do, it’s to a child-friendly place. Never once have we let the kids down to roam around. I don’t understand that AT ALL.

  2. I agree with some of this. Yes the screaming child in a resteraunt or walmart is just ANNOYING! However unless a parent yourself you will not quit understand that it is much more simple to say ” TEACH YOUR KIDS TO BEHAVE, I TAUGHT MY DOGS” . However kids are not dogs if they were it would be much easier to potty train them with a simple reward,it would be simple to keep them by you at all times (with a leash),and you could always just go buy a muzzle for your out of control animal. Or simply leave them at home. Kids are not a simple, you can bring your children up with the UP MOST RESPECT you can scold them alday about being quiet or to sit down, you could spank them or threaten to take away something to. As i’m sure your own parents did with you. And i’m sure that at some point you still did what you wanted to do and some of those morals, values, beliefs and manners they taught you are still not always used as an adult. You to probably still do things that causes them to say “I didnt raise you that way”. Sometimes you have to be apart of a situation (such as parenting) to TOTALLY understand how difficult it is.

    • HighGoon permalink

      Ah, the old “You don’t understand, you’re not a parent”. I wonder how many times this person has used this line while frazzled employees are cleaning up broken glass after their precious snowflake decided to play bocci ball with Christmas ornaments. Gee, I wish I was making that example up.

      Well, I’m not a surgeon either, but I think I have enough expertise to tell one that it wasn’t a good idea for them to leave their wristwatch in a patient.

      • Oread permalink

        I don’t see how irresponsible dog owners have dogs that bark, I mean I have a goldfish and since I’m a good owner my goldfish never barks. I mean they’re practically the same thing, but someone with a dog who pees all over everything is going to tell me that “I just don’t understand”. Nonsense, I understand being a good pet owner, as my peaceful and pleasant goldfish shows.

  3. I get so sick of ‘you dont understand because you aren’t parent’ line. I was a kid once too and believe me I understand. In my day,we knew how to act. It called respect for others -not ‘I am a parent and you must put up with my kids’.

  4. And I do not expect them to sit perfectly still but at least the parents can remedy can problem right away.

  5. I don’t think anyone’s expecting for children to be perfect in public. Hell, even I misbehave in public sometimes. What I expect is that the parents are AWARE and CONCERNED about remedying bad behavior as quickly as possible to ensure they don’t disturb other people more than is absolutely necessary. What I absolutely can’t abide are the parents who don’t seem to even notice (perhaps because they’ve become completely impervius to it) or are just too worn down to do anything about it.

  6. I actually address that argument – “You used to be a kid! How could you hate kids?” – in No Children, No Guilt (I hope you don’t mind if I share a brief excerpt!):

    I was four years old, maybe five, at the time. I’d just been treated rudely by a man who lived in our apartment building. I walked into the small apartment unit we lived in, found my father in the kitchen, and told him about “that” man down the hall.

    “I think he just doesn’t like kids,” my dad said.

    I tried to make sense of it. An adult who didn’t like children?

    “How can he not like them?” I said. “He used to be one.”

    “I don’t know,” my dad said.

    An adult now, I understand that some people simply don’t like kids. I also understand that having once been one doesn’t mean there’s an automatic attraction to them. After all, by the time we reach adulthood, it’s as if our child-selves were completely different organisms, and memories of young childhood are less like memories and more like watching someone else’s home movies.

    I’d like to add to this that it’s less a case of not liking kids (for most), and more a case of being annoyed by a particular kid. (I’ve no doubt I was an annoying kid.)

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