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Hello, Goodbye.

June 2, 2012

I guess they call it relationships because it can either sink or float. Facebook friends and co-workers–even people we say hi to at the coffee shop are all stunned to hear our near-five year relationship is kaput, but I seen it coming a long time ago. Some relationships die quickly, like in Final Destination and some die slowly–even coming back to life like Lord Voldemort in Harry Potter. Mine died a very, very slow life–sitting on life support for as long as it could hold out. At this turning point in my life though, I don’t want it to be the beginning of doom but a new chapter in my life where I can rediscover myself and learn how to be independent.

Everybody goes through breakups and divorces. It’s the only relationship I know, going from teenager to living with my partner meant I never experienced full 100% independence. Now it’s time to figure out how to pay a bill, send out mail (the paper kind) and set my alarm every night. It means starting anew in every way. Goodbye to my apartment that I lovingly painted and set up my library and my statues. Goodbye to one of my beloved pets, and five years of good memories. Too bad I cannot say goodbye to the tattoo I have of my partner’s name. Perhaps that wasn’t the best idea…but usually most ideas are perfunctory when you’re 19.

I’ve never been single before. It scares me to wake up all alone in bed, but the idea of being in charge of every decision that affects my life amazes and excites me. Having nobody to ask for their approval makes me dumbfounded to the point of giddiness. It means I can spend time remembering what it was like being me, not only half of a couple. It means developing my character, and challenging myself–which I’m sure will happen (especially since I have no clue what to do now). I’m sure I’ll be buying a lot of relationship books like What To Do When Your Relationship Ends: THE Relationship Book but I’ll also get to reconnect with my friends, make new friends and see the world in a different light.

I don’t know what my future holds–but I sure as hell don’t want to get into another relationship any time soon. I know I’m young and naive, and have a lot to learn. But I see this ending as the start to a new beginning, for better or for worse. It’s life, sometimes. Ups and downs. Hello, goodbye.


From → My CF Life

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