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The Mommy Club

June 4, 2012

As I peruse my Facebook in my pajamas at home, I notice my cousin “Emma” in England with that cute-as-a-button baby she just had post pictures of herself with friends. My local other cousin, “Lorraine” has ‘liked’ her photos and posted comments regarding motherhood and how it’s nice mothers got out once in a while. I raise a cynical eyebrow and my mind goes to all the pictures I’ve posted…none have garnered so much as one word from Lorraine.

Before she had her second baby and moved to the suburbs from Toronto, she commented often on my FaceBook page and sent frequent text messages–interested in how my family is doing and how life was going. Going over to her place and having wine, I remember conversations about traveling, our grandaunt that passed away and college/university. Her now-husband had been a funny, charming guy and I was so happy for them and their plans to marry. Once Lorraine swapped her BMW for a minivan, her job for full-time SAHM and her stunning townhouse for suburban detached home…she changed. Her life is 100% completely about her children and family-life, and her Facebook dominated with Twitter posts and photos pertaining to motherhood and kids. Even though I occasionally leave comments on her wall, they are never responded too.

I can only assume it would be different if I had a child. The ostracizing that I am receiving, even if she may not even be consciously aware, is because I am a non-mother. Yes, I occasionally post things about being Child-Free on Facebook, but I make sure it is witty and innocent. I leave the very opinionated stuff for private groups. It seems ridiculous to eschew your own cousins just because they haven’t reproduced. I know we share so many things in common–we went to the same school, we love traveling, we love cooking; heck… we’re first cousins, we’re blood. I even actually like her kids. They’re cute as hell. Her son looks like my brother when he was a kid.

I know it’s one of those “you have to be a mom to understand” kinda things but unless you’re begrudging at non-mothered women or want our lifestyle, than there is no reason to avoid people you used to be close to. I could never imagine myself ignoring friends and family who were living their lives without kids, if I was a mother. But I’m not. I could always discuss other things…because there ARE other things to discuss. But if becoming a modern day mama means that I can’t relate to other people…I’m certainly having no regrets.

  1. Doot permalink

    I found this when I was googling “I am not part of the mommy club.” I am infertile and I am also just plain busy and not interested in having kids. Women my age (20s – 30s) are starting to treat me like a freak or a disease. If I DARE mention anything about poor behavior of big or small people in public, Instagrams of bowel movements, or even make a joking post like “What happens if you start mimicking your kids tantrum in the supermarket?” I start getting tirades about what a horrible b*tch I am or defriended. I need to move back to a more liberal area where there are more childfree people my age.

    • I don’t know when it turned like this. I thought we were heading towards a revolution where women were breaking into more male-dominated professions, and paving the way for us to control our own reproductive rights but it seems the only thing that is important is being a “mommy”.

      Don’t feel bad for being who you are, or making the choices you made. When these mother’s kids grow up, they will wonder what to do with their identities and lives when their kids don’t need them.

      At this point, you will be enjoying your busy, fulfilling life and sailing around the world. To each their own.

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